The Magic Question
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The Magic Question |
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by Eva Fugitt The question, “How does that help you?” or “How is that helping you?” is designed to help children recognize and take responsibility for their behavior. It invokes an innate need for self-fulfillment that lies deep within each child, breaking down the usual defenses. The child is permitted to contact his or her own inner authority and to consciously choose a response. Procedure: When a child is behaving in a way that disturbs his or a classmates’ progress, quietly ask: “Tommy, how does that help you? You needn’t answer, but just quietly go inside yourself and think about it.” Invariably when I ask this question the child will stop, think for a moment and correct the behavior. Usually nothing else needs to be said unless the parent or teacher wants to acknowledge the changed behavior with a smile or a thank you. I am continually amazed at the power of this question. It has never failed to evoke some form of self-correction. It needs to be asked in a non-judgmental tone and not overused so that it loses its magic. There is usually a silent response and the child may just sit quietly in class, or choose another action. To expand this question to group awareness, the question may change to: “How is that helping the group?” or, “How is that helping your sister?”
How is that helping you? Is there another way of saying it? If that continues will it bring you a benefit or a burden? (Teach the child what those words mean. One parent had her child cut out a sun (benefit) and a black storm cloud. (burden) How is that helping the group? Did you check it out with the Wise Part within you?
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