Fast-Track Children
By Linda Northrup, M.Ed.
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Fast-Track Children By Linda Northrup, M.Ed.
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Everyone, especially children, need a balance between activity in the outer world and ‘inner time.’ Children need quiet time to reflect and actually assimilate what they have just learned and experienced during the day. They need time to receive new ideas, connect to their inner life, gain insight, and allow their imaginations to soar. If you observe a young child they often stare into space, daydream, and become lost in their own world. This ‘daydreaming’ time is essential for it nurtures a child’s mind, body, emotions, and spirit. While children are naturally active, they need abundant ‘unscheduled’ time to allow their inner self to blossom. In this space, children gain the ability to organize their thoughts internally so they can act in the world with purpose and grace. It gives them the psychological foundation they need to become healthy adults. My young daughter’s favorite quiet time was at her small table in the kitchen, talking to herself, humming, drawing and making things that came from inside her. When I introduced her to her first scheduled pre-school class, she would enjoy it for a while and then say, “Mommy do I have to go today? I want to paint my shoebox and make fairies.” My fairy child always had her own style, and I had to resist the urge to compare her to other children who were involved in so many activities. As I observed her rhythms, she reminded me of a child’s need to dwell in their enchanted world rather than being prematurely forced to adapt to the superimposed structure of the adult world. She has happily designed her own path for learning through her college years, and often expresses gratitude that she was allowed to grow at her own pace. With the added pressure of mandated testing programs in schools you drive the anxiety up even higher for children. Parents and educators focus on comparing test scores from one child and school to another. Being on the competitive edge begins to rule childhood. I work within school systems and also consult in the areas of stress reduction techniques. Knowing my background, teachers often stop by and talk about the stress they feel about the testing programs and how the pressure is affecting them and their students. Many teachers have shared their frustration saying that creativity is being pushed out the door and they ‘don’t have time’ for the heart-centered activities that help children blossom. One third grade teacher, a veteran who loves to write and encourage her young students to write, was in despair one afternoon because she has to shape most of her writing lessons in a way that will help her students score well on the tests. “How can I help them ‘find their voice’ when I have to force them into the state recommended writing formula? It leaves me little time to be spontaneous so that children can really develop a love for writing.” High test scores and a resume of extra curricular activities should not define a child. In fact, we seem to have lost sight of the spirit of a child, their natural rhythms for growth, and innate beauty. Instead we’ve created a formula for competition and stress, which does not belong in the sacred space of childhood. I coordinate and teach a part-time elementary program for gifted students grades three through five. Every week I have students who enter the room, plop down in their chairs and reel off their list of after school activities, ending with, “ And that’s why I am so tired today!” The rest all nod their heads sympathetically. One nine year old girl often comes in highly agitated, announcing that she is grumpy because she never gets home until eight o’clock every night and then has to start her homework. Monday through Saturday she is either involved in her activities or watching her siblings’ games. She has meltdowns in class at least once a week and tells me, “ I have too much to do.” Her mother tells me her daughter is very sensitive and cries a lot, but loves everything she does. This mother like many well meaning parents want to their children to experience many enrichment activities. Too often however, it gets to be a competition and parents don’t want their child to fall behind. I often counsel parents to cut back on the activities for everyone’s sake. Sometimes I hear, “ But my child wants to be in all these activities, she loves soccer, dance, karate and art classes.” Children do get enthusiastic about many things but the wise parent knows how to place limits and help their child make appropriate choices. Then the child learns that it is not about how many things you do, or have, but how well you do what you love. There is an emotional toll on young children who are programmed to compete in an endless cycle of activities, grades and achievement. It denies them a chance to grow from the inside out, and feel valued for they are - not what they do. It seduces them into following the path of materialism rather than the path of the heart. I recently sat in a circle with a group of my fifth grade students and asked them, “ What is healthy competition and what is unhealthy competition?” As soon as I started to ask the question, “Is there too much competition…?” the floodgates opened. One fifth grade girl jumped up from her chair and shouted, “Yes! Everything is much too competitive!” Another chimed in, “All we do is compete!” They dove into the topic with passion and concluded that everyone would be happier if there was much less competition. They hated feeling as if they were a failure if they got a B on their report card, and they expressed great compassion for kids who don’t do well in school. They complained about the school’s yearly math competition and asked why students who are poor in math are forced to participate in the math contest anyway. “My friends who get low grades in math dread it every year. Why make them feel miserable?” whispered a quiet boy sitting in the back who is wise beyond his years. The children’s solution was to end the competitive math contest and set up the gym with math games and activities manned by students. Those students who wanted to participate could come, choose the activities they wanted to try, and just have fun! Given a chance to express their views, today’s young people, tired of the pressure to perform in ways that harm the spirit, are very open to discovering ways to learn and grow without causing damage to their fellow beings. Can adults let go of their addiction to competition and hear the children? “Let’s gather together in the gym and share what we’ve learned. Everyone will be a winner.” What happened to he realm of childhood imagination, which allows children to invent games, set up their own play, and create from within? When adults push children to be on the competitive edge, they violate a young child’s inner voice, which calls for harmony. It forces them to be incongruent with their nature. When my students get into a conflict stemming from competition, we sit together, problem solve and talk about what is good for everyone not just a few. They respond with solutions that do not eliminate, but rather include – where everyone benefits, everyone is worthy, and everyone has a part to play. These universal ideals can no longer be mouthed as platitudes; they must be brought into concrete reality. Today’s highly conscious children are here to embrace universal brotherhood and cannot flourish in a society and educational system that denies the principles of equality and cooperation in favor of ‘winner takes all.’ It is crushing to their spirit and denies their evolutionary purpose. As a parent and teacher my heart aches for children caught in vicious cycle of pressure to perform and demonstrate their worth from the moment they enter school and sign up for their first competitive sport at age five. Excessive competition in our world has led to corporate greed, hypocrisy in government, abuse of power, environmental devastation, war, and starvation. Our children are speaking to us. Childhood depression has dramatically increased, and more and more children are apathetic about an educational system that ignores their creativity and emotional needs. As we stand at the edge of a new millennium we must ask ourselves why we continue to push our children to adopt the fear-based model of competition that has so severely unbalanced our earth? If we can face ourselves honestly, we know it is up to each of us to relinquish our own fear of ‘not being and having enough.’ Only by reconnecting to the inner voice of our spirit and having the courage to resist sacrificing our children’s self-worth to the false values of our competitive, materialistic world can we break a pattern of living that undermines our children’s innocence. When parents stand up for their child’s right to be a child, we can reverse the destructive pattern that separates them from the love they are born to express.
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